3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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