Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
