So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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