is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
