How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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