absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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