Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
