I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
