tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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