Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
