if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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