I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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