I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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