The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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