I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
