I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
