I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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