New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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