Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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