can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
