All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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