Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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