You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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