So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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