Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
