i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
