My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
