Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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