Just cropdusted the office
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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