There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize