is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
