is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
