whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
