And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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