This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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