I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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