pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
