operation harelip BJ is a go
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize