dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm too high and old for this...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
