Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
