I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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