I'm gonna have a badass scar
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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