well he's currently spooning the coffee table
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
