I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
