Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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