You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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