Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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