You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
