If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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