We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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