Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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