u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
