But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You're my little dorito
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
