we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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