Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
