He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He felt like a one man threesome
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
