I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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