I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
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