Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
