I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
