You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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