If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We just shotgunned beers for America
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
