he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The feeling are messing with the penis
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
