Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
