I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
