He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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