actually, I'm a sock model
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
