They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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