Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
