It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
