just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
