first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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