what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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