So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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