the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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