I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
