Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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