I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
