He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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