we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
