im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
