The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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